I See You

I know you are in need. I know you need help. I know that you need a helping hand to pick you up, again. But I need to HELP me for a minute.

Recently my thyroid was causing mad chaos in my life. 'Stroke Risk' chaos. I am trying to avoid stressors in order to feel good. I am aware that a friend is in need. Not like putting them on the back burner is a life or death situation but I know they need help. Probably financially and shit but I can't do it now. The past few years have been rough for many of us. Losing people, health, stress, work. I've neglected my warning signs and pushed through to help people. I can't do it now. I know my triggers, like the hillbilly neighbor revving up his motorcycle at 8am for 15 fucking minutes yesterday nearly broke my hand throwing a water jug out the door. I need to move and since my husband drags his feet through life, I need to just do it. With or without him? I'm moving. End. Of. Story. But not before I slap the taste out of this scumbags mouth next door. This is a stressor. I feel like I am full of rage lately and I can't shake it. I want to grab my friend, shake her and say "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK!!!!!" That's that. Always has a plan and no follow through. All day long this broad is in the back of my mind causing me low levels of anxiety. I can't have it. What do I do?!?!

Next, I am heading to London. Solo. Is this not a full blown panic attack waiting to happen or what??? HA! I bounce from so excited to wtf am I going to do at night by myself???? Like how lame!  I can't go to pubs alone. I know my level of comfort and that isn't even on the board. I can eat dinner alone every damn day, I actually prefer to. I get very excited thinking about buying ridiculously expensive stuff and then I get anxious that "I am a 2 hr train ride to Paris, how can I not take advantage of that!" but that's a longtime to be alone in Europe. I am looking at 8-10 days 5 of which I will be working.  I will be so bored. I have to extend a few days and really take in the sights, right?

Speaking of dead weight... how do people stand around and talk all day with zero repercussions at work?

Any who, I was just trying to fill in anything going on but man, I have been pretty blah lately. Plus I have these insanely long nails that I need to cut down TAH DAY.

This was boring. oh well. Enjoy!

Love you all and always!

Your friend,

Jen