My girlfriend Julie told me "Europe changes you" and I didn't believe the weight of that statement until I arrived in Paris. I cried when I stepped off the train and my eyes were met by the most beautiful scene I could ever imagine. I was changed. It was like a dream and I couldn't believe I was in it. Paris to me is like Mecca. Fashion, art, food, drinks, cigarettes and history. Everything I love in life, all wrapped up in a walkers paradise and topped with a tasty wine bow. I knew I wouldn't come home the same. I ate, drank, shopped and looked at Impressionist Art that I didn't even feel worthy of being in its presence! The trip was very emotional for me. Am I being dramatic? London didn't have the same affect on me but it was still surreal to be there. Ive been told that if you love Boston, you will love London. I am here to stop that claim because I love Boston and I did not love London. Maybe because I worked but it just felt familiar to me and I hate that feeling. My whole life has felt familiar! I don't want to feel like that. I want to feel alive and London didn't do it for me. Plus, the food is AWFUL! Get some herbs and spices out there, will ya??? Now, in Paris you can't have a bad meal or a shitty glass of wine. This is 100% true. I wanted to eat at every cafe and drink every waking minute. Something about that damn Rosé and Chablis! Not 1 hangover either... does that not sound like paradise?
I have always been hell-bent on living by the ocean and pretty much planned our retirement on that dream alone. I can tell you right now, I NEED to live in Paris. Well, until I get over to Italy and that might change but Paris is where I want to exist forever. It could never become old to me. It is romantic! Listen, how can you not love to eat good food forever? To sit outside and people watch, with a cold glass of tasty wine and smoke cigarettes? My favorite pastime is shooting the shit, smoking and drinking. It is truly my perfect place in the world.
Now fast forward to present day: the daily grind, 8.5 hour shifts, breaking my back to do what?!? Now, I love, LOVE my job and I am rewarded everyday just making women feel their best but I am depressed! I am full of regret! I want to WORK TO LIVE not LIVE TO WORK! Even if I went to part time hours, I would still feel this way. I don't want to pick up my belongings, get a separation and go on some soul searching quest but I kind of do! I want to find meaning in this life. I love Tony and would love to just tell him "quit your fucking job and let's LIVE!!!!!" but I have the head full of dreams, not him. I am the Aquarius, insensible and erratic. A dreamer. God bless him for dealing with me for these 15 years because I make myself nuts, I can't imagine what I do to him. I have to figure this shit out.
Next year I am going to do Italy, take my mom with me and who knows... maybe we will both stay there and never come home. I'll get a little job bartending in some hole in the wall, meet new friends, start a whole new life there and just say "fuck it man, it's my time to be happier" or maybe I will come home, set us up for retirement there and have Tony just trust me to better our back 9 in life. Either way, I WILL LIVE IN EUROPE. You can take that shit to the bank!
If you haven't been, go. Don't let the rumors of Paris being unpleasant decide that fate. They were nothing but gracious to a couple of American broads. If you go, go to the 18th arrondissement, see Sacré-Cœur, look at the city below and roam around. It was in that moment and in that place that I saw my future. I had a funny moment there where these street artists were doing portraits of people and I made the "yikes" face to a girl getting hers done and she looked horrified! I laughed and laughed about it. True asshole american style but I loved it.
Alright, time to get ready for work. Until next time!
Je t'aime tous et toujours!
Your friend,
Jen aka future American Girl in Paris
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