In a time of desperation, we find PASSION

So it has been a while since I have sat down and written anything. Not that I haven't been sitting down, because I have since March, basically. I did return to work for 2 months and part time, only to have my legs kicked out and back to furlough I went. It has been a rough year for us. All of us.  But, it is out of our control and like the title suggests, in a time of desperation, we find passion.

What's your passion? It is a question I have asked myself for years. Where do you find your passion? Not many people can wake up every day and do what they love. Truly love and enjoy doing. I love my job. I really do!  I love doing makeup. But is it my passion? I would say it is something I am passionate about. I am a social butterfly, I love meeting new people and building relationships with others. But during 2020, I realized that I am passionate about helping people. Being a voice for them; supporting them. I did a fundraiser for the Chicago Police and raised a little over $8000 to send pizzas to every department. All 25 and then some. I felt fulfilled after. I knew this was something I wanted to explore further. I felt like I was a part of something meaningful and I liked it. I made a difference.

Passion comes in many forms. I believe you can have it all. I am a hopeless romantic and I have to say, my dreamer, gypsy soul, is one of my favorite qualities. Sometimes it comes at inopportune moments but you have to make a decision to chase your dreams or let them die. Passion at home, work, life... sometimes you will hurt people. You will let them down. When do we stop living for everyone else and start living for ourselves?! You gotta take inventory and see what it is you're missing.

Being home I have racked my brain about what I would do if I had to change direction in my life. I have been doing the same thing for so long, that I don't even know what qualifications would serve me besides sales. I can sell. But looking at the back 9 in life, do I want to spend it selling some shit like car insurance that I don't even care about?!? Like in the grand scheme of things, some useless trash that I feel is pointless. Doesn't drive me. 

I see people with their big homes and fancy cars. I don't want any of that. I would rather be rich in life than with money. I have a good life already and we are by no means wealthy. Comfortable? For sure. We never go without. But where is the passion?!? I hate mundane. I am never sitting still, even right now as I type, my legs are bouncing like a crazy person. I am energetic and always looking for ways to LIVE. I live this life... we are only given one and I prefer to make the most of it every single day that I am gifted! I can't sit on a couch, watching TV or scrolling social media. That isn't living and I see it over and over and over again with so many people! I digress. 

Now, this leads me to the present day. Over these past few months, I have cooked just about every single day. I love to cook. I am hardly burdened by slaving over a hot stove. I find so much joy in feeding people that a lightbulb went on. This is what I should be doing! I should be feeding people! I have so much love to give and it comes out in my food. I'm no slouch either. I will cook up anything from a few ingredients laying around. It comes naturally to me. I am a daredevil but when it comes to gambling on a future, I am a chicken shit. I would never open a restaurant because there is no work/life balance. I am way too popular and fun to ignore my social time. I got it!  A food truck!  Low overhead, mainly work the lunch crowd, some sporting events and whatever. Is it painstaking work? Absolutely but it is rewarding. I would finally be sharing my passion!  I would be able to do free events to help feed people who need it. I am such a softie I can see this being a problem but I would have to keep myself in line. This is something I am going to research and hammer out the costs. I have been given an opportunity to really sit down and dig deep into my soul. This feeds my soul. 

Who knows what the future holds but I am excited. Something big is happening, I can feel it. I am going to take this energy and run with it. Like my favorite Bob Seger song says "I'll take my chances babe, I'll risk it all" 

This might be a boring to read but I like it. 

Jouir!

Jen 

 

Covid-19 DO NOT COME AT ME WITH YOUR 'TRUTH'

I know it, we are all feeling it. But what exactly are we feeling? The enormity of this situation is overwhelming. There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone. Ya know? Like, you can call someone on the other side of the world and they get it.

I have not been at work since 3/14. The US closed 3/17.  I need to go back to work. I need to be contributing to society!  This is such an uneasy reality for me because I work with the public. I do makeup. I cannot work from home. I don't have that luxury. So, when everyone is being productive, working from home, scheduling meetings or selling online to clients, being essentials, etc... I sit home. I sit here and hope that I get certified for unemployment so that I can pay my bills. I don't want to hear your stories about "staying home". I don't have that fucking luxury. Want to know my favorite, kick me while I am down, part? I don't qualify for a stimulus check, either! There's that awesome perk!

When I see protests happening from hardworking, "non essential" (who gets to determine this shit!) Americans, my heart fills with joy! We need to open back up!  PERIOD. You don't want to go out? Stay home. You're sick? Stay home. No one is forcing YOU to do anything, like the government is FORCING US TO DO THIS!

I know it has been a good minute since most of us have read the Constitution but maybe we should do a quick refresher. Our rights are being stripped away and at rapid speeds! This is tyranny. I don't care what you say, this is TYRANNY! You cannot lockdown Americans because of a virus that we KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! Every day there is a different rule. It is airborne, it isn't. It lives on the surface for days... no it doesn't. FUCK YOU. I have a job and I need to work!  This is depressing and it is causing good people to lose everything! Mom and Pop shops will be forced to close their doors after this, if we do not open soon.  Everyone ordering from Grubhub, Postmates, Doordash and UberEats, should be ordering from small joints to keep the lights on. Go take a ride, get some curbside and help some privately owned places.

Back to the protests and the events leading to them. Michigan is not allowing people to buy seed. Why? I don't really understand. You have people out there on social media, defending this!  Who are you to determine when someone wants to plant their seeds? We don't have the right to tell someone what to do. Last I checked, these people are public servants and work FOR US. Start holding these people, who are so drunk on power, accountable for their shit!  This is not right.

How did we all just shuffle into our homes and lay down for them? You see how fast they did that? Yeah, they know now they can just put us all on house arrest, decide if you're worthy of a paycheck and if you are able to take a fucking bike ride on the lakefront! We allowed this. We will now allow them to tell us to wear a mask, wear gloves, not hug our families, stay away from each other, no human contact, no parties, no gatherings. You can just sit here and honestly say, this is no big deal? Brush up on your history then. We witnessed socialism first hand and if that sits well in your heart, you are ridiculous.

I try to not make things political and a situation like this really shouldn't be but, how can you even look at a Democrat now after seeing how they pushed back these checks for people? Feinstein wants to send aid (3 billion or something outrageous) to Iran and wouldn't sign off on Americans getting a stimulus check! All of these leftist whackos are insane. They would rather give money to everyone else and not their own.

Do you know that these cities get federal funding for every Covid case?

Do you honestly believe that this was just some guy who ate a filthy bat in some wet market? Call me a conspiracy theorist, you wouldn't be the first nor the last, but a month prior to the outbreak in China, we witnessed a historic event in Hong Kong. They were filling the streets trying to overthrow their communist government. They couldn't control their people and it was growing every day. How about the wave of Yellow Vest protests? European cities out numbering the police and military. The world had enough of the bullshit lies!  Then we have the new trade deals. Trump held them over a barrel and China wasn't having it. Look into Agenda 21. Gates, trying to depopulate. Who is this guy and why does this computer fucking geek have a say in ANYTHING? Him, that reptilian Zuckerberg and Madonna now are the experts on anything? We are living in bizarro world. Gaga's old lady is now some rep for the UN? The director of WHO,  Dr. Tedros which you should really read up on, he has quite the history with EPRDF (Ethiopian People's Revolutionary Democratic Front).

I don't know. There are a lot of bad people out there and they are blood thirsty for power. We have turned these celebrities, athletes and politicians into GODS. They're blood sucking nobodies! After this, wake up!  We don't need them.

I would like to believe that something good will come from this. Simplicity, Family values.  Maybe bring back some humility and respect. Stop over sexualizing everything, INCLUDING CHILDREN, quit shoving shit in our faces. There is no reason for children to see Cardi B's asshole everywhere.  Let's bring back some good, old fashion civility.

Now, I respect the SIP order. I don't really go in public, I don't go visiting with friends and shit... I do socially distance with my parents though. You will never keep me away from them. EVER.  I wear a mask, don't touch them, stay 6ft away but I do go there. I will protect them from whatever this shit is but I will not, not see them.

This is causing depression and severe anxiety in people. I understand everything you are feeling. I had to get a prescription antihistamine (I don't do antidepressants or anti anxiety) to help relax me. I will smoke weed, lay in bed and watch some Friends, Seinfeld and The Office reruns, just to avoid the media. I think everyone should turn off the news and Facebook and retire to their bubbles.  Nothing good comes from the media. If you knew the history of Tell A Vision PROGRAMMING, you would agree. Go for a walk, a drive, a bike ride, a swim... just do something but watch tv and/or be glued to your phone. Read a book!  I have tons to recommend.

Be well. I have rambled on for a longtime here.

As always

Your friend,

Jen

While I make Sunday Sauce, on a Tuesday...

Alright, so it has been a bit since I last posted, did ya miss me?  I just have a hard time being "inspired" by anything in the world lately. How can you be? It is a constant flood of negative information. It is 1/28/2020 and in the news this past week was CORONAVIRUS, Kobe Bryant and if you dig deep enough, the rest of the people that were killed and a handful of cops shot up. Sounds like good news being spread all around.

Do you ever wonder why people are depressed? Or why there are 1000 ads for antidepressants
on TV? Well, watch the news and see if you feel like being a jet-setter, productive or even want to engaged with a single soul. They want you to be on meds. Step away from the idiot box for a month or so, go for a walk and lift up them spirits!  My gf said it perfectly: people can barely trust their significant other, but will trust the media. It is true. You are allowing them to get deep into that cerebellum, plant a seed of despair and you run with it. A 24 hour loop of negative images and information will turn you into a shell of a human.

I gave up TV a long time ago. I will watch a movie here and there, throw on a rerun of Seinfeld or King of Queens but it gets about 2 hours of my time A WEEK! I don't read MSM news outlets, I don't even read a magazine. I don't care if JLO was snubbed for an Oscar. Which is my segue into this...

Why do you care about these people? Really, ask yourself that question. "Do you really CARE about it?" No, it does not affect you in any way. I get that it is a human emotion to feel bad for Kobe's family, but does it "break your heart"? On Saturday, did he even cross your mind at any point of the day? No. IT DOESN'T AFFECT YOU. Stop giving your energy to things that don't matter in real life. So, they died and it is a tragedy. What about the other people? The other families that have been torn apart? Why don't they matter just as much? How about a fireman that falls through a roof of a burning building? Doesn't he deserve to be honored by the media? Did you know that on the same day Kobe died, a missile was launched at another US Embassy? Or how about on Monday a military aircraft crashed in Afghanistan? Probably not. How about the 9 people shot, 2 fatally (an infant mind you) in Chicago? But, KOBE!

All you see online is people fighting. Now, I am all about trolling and talking shit, it is my favorite pastime but I do it for comic relief and to test out my insult skills. Keep my reflexes up to snuff. There is real hate out there and guess who started it? The media. They don't want us to love each other!  They want us to fight and divide. If you are letting them win, you have the mental capacity of a wedge of cheese. If you cannot see what is really happening out there, you should really, REALLY pay attention.

NBC now says they considering not allowing Trump's commercials to be aired on their networks. Yes, you read that correctly. You get suspended/banned from Twitter, FB, Instagram and whatever other degenerate social media platform out there, if you don't agree with what the say. Want proof? The other day my cousin tagged me in a Trump post on Instagram, I never received a notification. You go on Twitter and engaged with someone who doesn't agree with you? You get a suspended
account. I was just in both Twitter and FB jail for calling someone out on their HATE SPEECH but I am the one who was silenced. They are blatantly taking away our free speech!  You don't get to silence me because I don't agree with you!

You can hate me all you like for my views. I give a shit. You are the turnip, not me. I don't care where someone stands, it is THEIR RIGHT. I respect that. Learn to respect mine. We won't even be able to have adult discussions soon. They are taking away our FREEDOM OF SPEECH. They are trying to rip apart our Constitution to fit their narrative, to suit their needs. Wake up already!

It is all a distraction from what is really happening. Every BREAKING NEWS is a fucking distraction. Start doing some research, people. These networks are all owned by the same people, with the same end result in mind... to control you!

As always,

Jen

40 is the new I don't give a shit.

When I think back to my 20's, I don't know how to describe my emotions about it. I don't miss it, that's for sure. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20's that I don't necessarily regret, but I kind of do.  I didn't even like my 20's. Shit, I don't think I liked my 30's much either. In your 20's you don't know anything. Sorry kids, you don't. In your 30's you make plans for the future; kids, homes, careers. 30's you are tested on life's limits. You lose people and your mind. I do believe at 30 you discover who you are and what you will tolerate in life. That was a break-through in that decade for me, personally. I always had a no nonsense, easy breezy, attitude. I was always told at 40 you just don't care about offending people, about their feelings and you are the most important person in your life. I am here to tell you, it is true. I thought I didn't care before? Pffffft.

I am 41 and proud. This comes with a whole other list of shit to worry about. Health, retirement, exhaustion just to name a few. You think I care if someone doesn't like me? HA! I am trying to buy a summer home in Florida, for Christ sake! I am too busy trying to renovate our house and prepare for retirement than give a rats ass about hurting someones little feelers. If you don't sign my paycheck, then I don't have time to care about what's bothering you. This is the blessing at the 40 mark.  Around the 32nd year of my existence, an older gentleman told me "at the end of the day, it's all bullshit anyway" and that resonated with me. What pisses you off this morning, will not matter tonight. What makes you sad tomorrow, won't matter by the time you wake up on Friday. You chose to "get over it". That carried me through my 30's and now into my 40's. The only things that matter to me are: family, friends, work and feeling good. I feed my soul everyday with laughter. The famous Hunter S. Thompson quote about life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, yada yada yada ... is somewhat true. I just don't want to arrive totally worn out and way too early. After losing a good handful of friends in my 30's, I lived it up. I really took that quote literally and now, I am ok with arriving with meh, maybe a run in my nylons. I don't need to indulge. I'm good for the most part.

I won't be able to share my life stories with kids and grandkids so that kinda bums me out but I will relish in them for years to come. I have a lot of fun. I have loved and lost. I have such delicious stories that when I think about them, my heart smiles. Everything I have done in my past was just so unconventional and ass backwards. Just the way I lost my virginity was ridiculous (sorry ma) but I love it. I love what I have been through because I am who I am in spite of it. I've been cheated on, lied to, made a fool of, I've been fired, I've been kicked out of school, I've been broke and I have had enough jobs that I have lost count. But here I am: successful, married, in love with life and I am A-OK.

I think I felt the need to write this one on the heels of learning of a recent suicide of someone that I knew. We all go through tough times. I think the first half of my marriage was spent in an untreated depression regarding the fact that I am unable to have kids. It was/is a depressing fact but after 13 years of living with that truth, I have learned to count my blessings. I couldn't imagine having to raise a kid in this world. Hearing that I would never have kids, felt like a death sentence. It made me feel like less of a woman. There is a bit of truth I rarely say. Everyone is dealing with something. I am regretful that the last time I saw this guy, I was unforgivably mean, but in my defense he wasn't nice to me, either or ever. But I am sorry. I am sorry that your life was unbearable. I am sorry that your sadness came through in anger. You have always had a chip on your shoulder and now this explains it. I hope you are at peace. I hope you are at home with your parents, finally. You were a handsome guy and I am just sorry that this world was too much for you to take.

So the moral of the story is, 40 is pretty great! I like it. Just waiting patiently for that midlife crisis to kick in and really see where this shit takes me! Oh yea, and be kind. Well, be kind enough but never let someone shit all over you.

Love you all and always!

Your OLD friend,

Jen

We ain't that far from the "Shallow" now...

You guys, I am irked by this charade being put on by Gaga and B. Coop! The world has been up in arms about these two and why they're not porking! He has a girlfriend!  Now we are just going to yell from our computers to break up with your kids mother to fulfill some on-screen romance desire? How disrespectful is that? I feel bad for Irina Shayk. I mean, not really that bad because she is a tall, thin, gorgeous model but the constant bullshit this girl is going through is nauseating!

I like Gaga and I really like Bradley Cooper (SWOON). I mean... if I was in that situation, you'd need the jaws of life to pry me off him, but I am not and I find it very off putting. We live in this generation where monogamy is "old fashion" and people should just go out and fuck. I don't get it!  I feel so sad for young girls coming up in this era. I've been cheated on and it sucks. I've also cheated on a few ex's. I am no angel and I do not judge but with people at your fingertips, we have lost that charm of till death do us part. No one wants to be unhappy and life is short, yada, yada, yada... I get it. But what happened to vows and respect?

The song is called 'Shallow' and man oh man, is it ever. You have Gaga's fanbase hollering that she is way better than his girlfriend and that he should be with someone prettier. Shallow much? Listen, I am pretty tall and I have a 35" inseam. Have you seen Irina's legs? They don't stop! But yet, a 5'2 (forgive me) lunatic is better? She is kinda nuts, but that is my favorite quality about her. Engaged twice and never walked the plank. Something is up with that. Regardless, this is not a thing we should promote! And he is no better. I don't see him out there defending his relationship. Quit staring at one another like you can't wait to get home and bang. It's rather uncomfortable to watch. I get that the chemistry is obvious, I am not blind, but if this is how they feel about each other than just do it already but be mindful of your significant other.

I, for one, would beat the shit out of my man if he acted like this. He is embarrassing. If this drives people to buy their movie and soundtrack, fine but have some tact.

I didn't even love the movie. Stop it! See the version with Streisand and then talk to me. These two are just way better eye candy. Last I checked, no one was chubbing up over Kris Kristofferson. One look at Bradley Cooper and yes... I feel that shit. But the older version blows this one out of the water. I had to see it though because the hype around it. It was far from Oscar worthy. His performance warranted a nod, sure. He was great in it but they made the hoopla about Gaga. She wasn't that great! Her final scene was good. She actually cried because she lost a dear friend days prior or something like that and her pain shows in it. That's all.

Everyone just needs to chill the fuck out. Award season is over and maybe this nonsense will go away. One can only hope. Seriously, if I have to see these two canoodling at a piano one more time, I am chucking my coffee mug at the television.

Rant over.

I love you all and always!

Your friend,

Jen

What a time to be alive.

Have you looked at news stories lately? Have you been on Twitter? Let me touch on a few things here, without any outline whatsoever. The current state of affairs really makes me scratch my head and wonder WTF is going on in the world!

First, I am obsessed with this Empire cast member and this tale of "MAGA Country" in Chicago. Have you heard of Chicago? The sanctuary city that has been democratic since, oh I don't know...THE DAWN OF TIME? -17 below out and 2 guys walking with a jug of bleach and a noose, not 1 eye witness. I can't with this nonsense. "They poured something on me that was later determined as bleach" What gave you that inclination? One look at your clothes within seconds could have ended that struggle. You want to yell from the rooftops "HATE CRIME!" but when the cops arrive you ask them to turn off their body cams and won't hand over your phone. Don't worry, genius! They'll just subpoena your phone company and get your call log. You'd think you'd want to help in any way to find these guys. I really hope the truth comes out about this and they fucking nail this guy. I hate LIARS. And if it is in fact a hate crime, then I hope they find the dipshits that did it and throw the book at em!

Now, we got this big oaf in LA that punches the two chicks in line for a hot dog. Witnesses say the girls started and were throwing fisticuffs first. When did we just stop minding our own business? The guy was taking too long so now you're Wonder Woman? He's 6'3 and like 270! At no point can you take this guy! Stop trying to be EQUAL! WE ARE NOT! I am not. I NEED a man to protect me. I'll tango with a broad anytime, anywhere. But if I am poking a bear, I hope he would crack my jaw because guess what? I deserve it. That isn't toxic masculinity. You want to be treated as equal, then you get treated as an equal. There aren't caveats to that demand. I'd never fight with a man and think he will not swing back. Same with the man protecting his wife and kid. Girl comes up swinging and off to sleep she went. You have this gang mentality with these kids these days. You want to square up with someone; man, woman or beast, then you get to deal with consequences. No one is being held accountable for shit these days! Quit ignoring your children! Teach them how to be civil human beings and chances are a 40yr man won't need to do it for you by laying a combo off their chin. I don't condone abuse but give me a break already. A punch is a punch. And what is this "toxic masculinity"? Now men are being neutered. I want a Marlboro man not some skinny jean wearing, Harry Styles type bitch. Stop feeding your kids soy, people!

Pedophilia on Twitter. Yep, that's correct. Pedophiles run rampant on Twitter. I believe they're called MAPs. They look but don't touch and it is A-OK on this social media platform. So these predators can scroll and look for children, look at YOUR children and Jack Dorsey doesn't ban them. Amazing, right? They ban Roger Stone, Laura Loomer, Gavin McGinnis, Owen Benjamin and a slew of other "Conservatives" but allow for pedophiles to prey. We are now OK with this. Don't be shocked when they lower the age of consent to 12. They have already over sexualized EVERYTHING! They have children posing in magazines dressed inappropriately, making it B Porn for these sick fucks. How is this OK? How is this not a national outrage? We will stomp our feet at ORANGE MAN BAD but not a word about kid f**kers all over the internet! If there is something that enrages me, this is it. I'd fight a pedophile all day and twice on Sunday. We should be a pissed off Nation about that. But again, not a peep.

Now we want to kill a full term baby. I am not even going there because that is the work of the devil and I don't want that vile shit taking over my brain. So I will leave you with a tweet from Matt Walsh:

Don't come at me with your pitchforks. I am entitled to my opinions too.

Love you all and always!

Your Friend,

Jen