In a time of desperation, we find PASSION

So it has been a while since I have sat down and written anything. Not that I haven't been sitting down, because I have since March, basically. I did return to work for 2 months and part time, only to have my legs kicked out and back to furlough I went. It has been a rough year for us. All of us.  But, it is out of our control and like the title suggests, in a time of desperation, we find passion.

What's your passion? It is a question I have asked myself for years. Where do you find your passion? Not many people can wake up every day and do what they love. Truly love and enjoy doing. I love my job. I really do!  I love doing makeup. But is it my passion? I would say it is something I am passionate about. I am a social butterfly, I love meeting new people and building relationships with others. But during 2020, I realized that I am passionate about helping people. Being a voice for them; supporting them. I did a fundraiser for the Chicago Police and raised a little over $8000 to send pizzas to every department. All 25 and then some. I felt fulfilled after. I knew this was something I wanted to explore further. I felt like I was a part of something meaningful and I liked it. I made a difference.

Passion comes in many forms. I believe you can have it all. I am a hopeless romantic and I have to say, my dreamer, gypsy soul, is one of my favorite qualities. Sometimes it comes at inopportune moments but you have to make a decision to chase your dreams or let them die. Passion at home, work, life... sometimes you will hurt people. You will let them down. When do we stop living for everyone else and start living for ourselves?! You gotta take inventory and see what it is you're missing.

Being home I have racked my brain about what I would do if I had to change direction in my life. I have been doing the same thing for so long, that I don't even know what qualifications would serve me besides sales. I can sell. But looking at the back 9 in life, do I want to spend it selling some shit like car insurance that I don't even care about?!? Like in the grand scheme of things, some useless trash that I feel is pointless. Doesn't drive me. 

I see people with their big homes and fancy cars. I don't want any of that. I would rather be rich in life than with money. I have a good life already and we are by no means wealthy. Comfortable? For sure. We never go without. But where is the passion?!? I hate mundane. I am never sitting still, even right now as I type, my legs are bouncing like a crazy person. I am energetic and always looking for ways to LIVE. I live this life... we are only given one and I prefer to make the most of it every single day that I am gifted! I can't sit on a couch, watching TV or scrolling social media. That isn't living and I see it over and over and over again with so many people! I digress. 

Now, this leads me to the present day. Over these past few months, I have cooked just about every single day. I love to cook. I am hardly burdened by slaving over a hot stove. I find so much joy in feeding people that a lightbulb went on. This is what I should be doing! I should be feeding people! I have so much love to give and it comes out in my food. I'm no slouch either. I will cook up anything from a few ingredients laying around. It comes naturally to me. I am a daredevil but when it comes to gambling on a future, I am a chicken shit. I would never open a restaurant because there is no work/life balance. I am way too popular and fun to ignore my social time. I got it!  A food truck!  Low overhead, mainly work the lunch crowd, some sporting events and whatever. Is it painstaking work? Absolutely but it is rewarding. I would finally be sharing my passion!  I would be able to do free events to help feed people who need it. I am such a softie I can see this being a problem but I would have to keep myself in line. This is something I am going to research and hammer out the costs. I have been given an opportunity to really sit down and dig deep into my soul. This feeds my soul. 

Who knows what the future holds but I am excited. Something big is happening, I can feel it. I am going to take this energy and run with it. Like my favorite Bob Seger song says "I'll take my chances babe, I'll risk it all" 

This might be a boring to read but I like it. 

Jouir!

Jen 

 

40 is the new I don't give a shit.

When I think back to my 20's, I don't know how to describe my emotions about it. I don't miss it, that's for sure. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20's that I don't necessarily regret, but I kind of do.  I didn't even like my 20's. Shit, I don't think I liked my 30's much either. In your 20's you don't know anything. Sorry kids, you don't. In your 30's you make plans for the future; kids, homes, careers. 30's you are tested on life's limits. You lose people and your mind. I do believe at 30 you discover who you are and what you will tolerate in life. That was a break-through in that decade for me, personally. I always had a no nonsense, easy breezy, attitude. I was always told at 40 you just don't care about offending people, about their feelings and you are the most important person in your life. I am here to tell you, it is true. I thought I didn't care before? Pffffft.

I am 41 and proud. This comes with a whole other list of shit to worry about. Health, retirement, exhaustion just to name a few. You think I care if someone doesn't like me? HA! I am trying to buy a summer home in Florida, for Christ sake! I am too busy trying to renovate our house and prepare for retirement than give a rats ass about hurting someones little feelers. If you don't sign my paycheck, then I don't have time to care about what's bothering you. This is the blessing at the 40 mark.  Around the 32nd year of my existence, an older gentleman told me "at the end of the day, it's all bullshit anyway" and that resonated with me. What pisses you off this morning, will not matter tonight. What makes you sad tomorrow, won't matter by the time you wake up on Friday. You chose to "get over it". That carried me through my 30's and now into my 40's. The only things that matter to me are: family, friends, work and feeling good. I feed my soul everyday with laughter. The famous Hunter S. Thompson quote about life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, yada yada yada ... is somewhat true. I just don't want to arrive totally worn out and way too early. After losing a good handful of friends in my 30's, I lived it up. I really took that quote literally and now, I am ok with arriving with meh, maybe a run in my nylons. I don't need to indulge. I'm good for the most part.

I won't be able to share my life stories with kids and grandkids so that kinda bums me out but I will relish in them for years to come. I have a lot of fun. I have loved and lost. I have such delicious stories that when I think about them, my heart smiles. Everything I have done in my past was just so unconventional and ass backwards. Just the way I lost my virginity was ridiculous (sorry ma) but I love it. I love what I have been through because I am who I am in spite of it. I've been cheated on, lied to, made a fool of, I've been fired, I've been kicked out of school, I've been broke and I have had enough jobs that I have lost count. But here I am: successful, married, in love with life and I am A-OK.

I think I felt the need to write this one on the heels of learning of a recent suicide of someone that I knew. We all go through tough times. I think the first half of my marriage was spent in an untreated depression regarding the fact that I am unable to have kids. It was/is a depressing fact but after 13 years of living with that truth, I have learned to count my blessings. I couldn't imagine having to raise a kid in this world. Hearing that I would never have kids, felt like a death sentence. It made me feel like less of a woman. There is a bit of truth I rarely say. Everyone is dealing with something. I am regretful that the last time I saw this guy, I was unforgivably mean, but in my defense he wasn't nice to me, either or ever. But I am sorry. I am sorry that your life was unbearable. I am sorry that your sadness came through in anger. You have always had a chip on your shoulder and now this explains it. I hope you are at peace. I hope you are at home with your parents, finally. You were a handsome guy and I am just sorry that this world was too much for you to take.

So the moral of the story is, 40 is pretty great! I like it. Just waiting patiently for that midlife crisis to kick in and really see where this shit takes me! Oh yea, and be kind. Well, be kind enough but never let someone shit all over you.

Love you all and always!

Your OLD friend,

Jen

We ain't men! But we should be...

I am pretty sure "God" didn't get it right when he made me. I put that in quotes to not offend anyone and their religious beliefs. Also, I stopped believing in fairytales around 35 years ago. I've always lived in a NO DRAMA headspace, choose my friends wisely and I never really followed a crowd. I analyze people. This is why guys, I think I can help you in your quest to bag chicks... with the help of one of my, dare I say best friends, Stephanie.

Sometimes you meet a person that can match your soul and have an instant kinship. I have that with Steph. We love Seinfeld, we can say 1 thing to each other and it snowballs into an hour long laugh fest that is usually at the expense of someone else and their unfortunate existence. I don't apologize for being a dick, I just am. We just are. She's easy going, likes to have fun and pretty sure she has zero feelings of sadness and if I ever saw her cry, I'd have to ask "what is this salty discharge?" Seinfeld reference. Steph is really a catch. If she was a guy, I would marry him. She really just goes with the flow and is so fucking funny!  She loves tasty treats and matches my excited body shakes when we see our food arriving.

We work in the same industry and I hear so many stories of dating and how these guys act. We can write a damn handbook on how to get laid... I swear! One little thing like: 'Your hair looks great! Did you curl it differently?' or 'Great lip!' seriously ups your odds.  Just noticing a shade of lipstick impresses a woman. A compliment goes a long way.

Here's another one: Do not let a woman pay. PERIODT. I dated a guy once and the sight of my wallet made him mad. He was actually offended when I offered to buy a round of drinks. That small gesture went far. It is an old school way of thinking and women like that shit. You hold a door, walk on the street side and pick up the tab.

Don't be cheap. You do not have to be rich. AT ALL. I am pretty uncomfortable around large amounts of money and I am not impressed by your fancy cars and big homes. I like looking at big houses, I still drive around and take in the sights, but I don't need nor do I want that lifestyle. Just don't be cheap. Take some vacations, treat her to a spa day or something, a fancy restaurant or buy her a nice gift just because. Which leads me to the next one...

Thoughtfulness. Oh man, I can tell you, this can lead you to Eden. Being thoughtful is such a sexy trait. You hear her say something about something she saw and liked, go out there and find it. Give it to her when she least expects it. Boom. Welcome to Pound Town, buddy! I know this is a lot to ask, you know? Listening and shit. I get it, I hear women ramble on all damn day and it is insufferable at times but if you cannot talk and listen for a minute, do you really think you should be looking longterm anyway? Or if you see something that reminds you of her, get it. I went through a Spongebob stage and just getting a Spongebob toothbrush meant so much to me. I can't tell you which one of  many mistakes bought it for me, but I know someone did and I liked it.

Put some effort into your look. Do not buy a $5000 Gucci suit or some Ferragamo loafers. I mean, if you can afford it please do, but just don't look like you rode in on a 4-wheeler after playing basketball for 16 hours. Double check for stains on your clothes.  Get a nice cologne and wash your balls. Get that neckline shaved up and for the love of god, clean your ears, trim your nose hairs and just brush your teeth! I've always been a fan of a guy in casual clothes: hoodies, some loose fitting jeans,  a backwards cap. Lord, I do love everything I just described so much that I married it! Ha!

Make the plans. Pick the dinner spot. Book the trip. I am the most indecisive person so when I don't have to think about that stuff, saves me from another gray hair. I cannot remember the last time I had a taste for something. I just want to eat! Not sure what, but sit me down and I will figure it out. Would it not be so sexy if you were booked for a trip, not having a clue where to and your bags were packed???

Now, not everyone can be funny. I wish everyone could be as funny as me. The world would be a perfect place if that were true but it's a gift, just be a conversationalist. I will tell you, I am not. I do not possess the gift of gab. I have friends that can pull a conversation out of a walnut! I envy that but I am also very comfortable in silence. Now, you get on the subject of politics and I won't shut up. Normal everyday chats though? Pass. I hate small talk. Just my own preference but a sense of humor trumps looks all day. If you are funny, I find you to be the most adorable person on two legs. Truly.

Ladies, this goes for you as well. I still have a lot to learn, especially in the thoughtfulness department. After 15 years of being with my husband, I have no idea what to buy this guy! He loves golf and I am sure my gifts of drivers, Garmin Approach, irons and gift cards to the PGA Store are stale as hell but every time I try and dress him, he just fish eyes me and I feel sad. 😂 I did hit a homerun when I got him an appointment to be custom fitted for a custom putter though. He loves that putter and I looooved that steep credit card charge (I'm pretty cheap) but it brings a smile to my face every time he golfs 4 days a week. {sarcasm} no really, I do love his bragging rights when he pulls out that little sweetie.

Maybe I am alone with this but I think we want to be taken care of. Is that not feminist of me? I hope so because I am not one. I need a partner in life. It is a tall order to deal with me and I gotta tell ya, my husband is a SAINT. I have been in a handful of relationships and I think I know a few things... You do learn from your mistakes and I know what I will never tolerate. Like picking up that phone when there is a meal on the table, may put you in the doghouse.

Alright, I may edit this once my homeslice gets back from Panama and we get to talking about what makes her tick. Until then, buon appetito!

Love you all and always!

Your friend(s)

Jen and Steph

(un)Social Media

I get it, discussing social media is like beating a dead horse. It has been talked about for so long and the negative effects it has on people. I'm not going to do that, entirely. I think that there are some positives to it: connecting you to old friends, family, some stellar memes... all good stuff. I have seen some jokes online that had me laughing to tears!  That is always a good thing! You get to look up old boyfriends/girlfriends and wipe your brow that you dodged that bullet. Sometimes you even reconnect with someone you didn't necessarily think you've "missed" but turns out, you did. It's a sneaky thing that social media.

Here's the not so great part of it. With the world at our finger tips, it is making us stupid. Like, personally I cannot remember shit!  Why do I need to, when all I need to do is throw it up into Google and I have my answer? I can sing a lyric to a song on Shazam and WHOOMP, there it is!  Instead of making our brains work for it. It is also taking away from an actual face to face conversation. How many times are you sitting with someone that is buried in their phone? PEEVE!  I will slap that phone out of your paws if you do it while eating!  I LOATHE IT! People cannot even make eye contact these days!  Oh but you surely have enough to say when you are on my Facebook, though. I don't need to be involved in every aspect of your life. It has made me not like people because I now see just who they "really" are. I say really as a joke because we all know FAKEbook is just for show. Your life isn't that great...you seem to forget I know you in REAL life too. You know who you are. My social media is pretty much a chronicle of my ACTUAL life. I show the dirty, the beauty, the headaches. I am a woman of conviction and I show it. I don't care if I offend you. Moving on. 

You look at Instagram, now you are comparing yourself to these strangers that appear to have it all. You want their looks, their money, their lifestyle. How can you compete with this? At 40, I see how it fucks with my mood, I cannot imagine what this does to a young person. Now I do not think it is healthy for kids to have social media. It is hard enough to grow up amongst your peers, now you're looking at these filtered images and thinking you need to be poreless, symmetrical, a fat ass and full D cups. That isn't reality. I grew up flat chested, gaunt, horse toothed and a bubble butt (thank you J Lo for turning my big ass into a sought after attribute!) I knew what I looked like just by looking into that mirror every damn day!  I didn't nor do I still come close to these babes online! I love to hate em! But at 40, I am blessed that I have held up so well. Kids don't understand that none of those people are important! Your looks do not define you. I guess that wisdom comes with age but it should be reiterated to the youngins daily. 

Now let's talk about dating: Social Media style. Tinder? HA! What in the HELL is that?!? The Spiegel catalog of dick shopping. Just flipping pages until you see something you like. Is this not insanely shallow? It is all based on looks!  I get that you have to have an initial attraction but do you know how many good people you're paying no mind to because they don't look good enough? I'm sorry, sense of humor trumps everything for me. Well, let me add to that...great teeth and a sense of humor. Nothing about a picture can convey who they actually are. Looks fade, unless you're me and you just get better (kidding) but you can be passing on a diamond for a fugazi! Then you exchange info, seems like the next request is "Do you have a Snapchat?" Yada yada yada... dick pic. I can't imagine what it is like out there!  It used to be the climactic buildup in dating. The unveiling of the goods. Now, it's the 2nd text. "Does this meat look good enough for you?" Actually you just bummed me out and now I need to block you. I feel sorry for you guys that have to deal with this new age dating. There is zero respect, monogamy, discretion. Everyone is looking for the next score. It's sad. I have some very fine friends that just cannot find a decent relationship! Men want younger, women want it all. 

Did I just ramble on for too long? I have so much PTO that I am taking an extra day off this week and felt inspired to spew out some bullshit rattling around in my brain. 

Just remember that everyday your feet touch the ground, you are blessed. Even the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. 

Love you all and always!

Your Friend,

Jen

Where to begin.

10 years ago, I started a blog. I was 30 and pretty recently married. I was also blissfully unaware of just about everything that the future holds. I have lost close friends, family, changed jobs, grown up (not really) and just lived. Nothing can prepare you for shit.

I like to think of myself as a pretty sane human; I deal with the public on a daily basis so the elements that are nutty, I blame on you all. When I started the blog, I was working in a salon and slowly stepping away from that life and into a full-time makeup artist and 10 years later, I have moved up in my career and I love it. I travel around to different states and do what I love! Married 13 years this year (2019), dog is still kicking. I am successful in many facets of my life!  Sounds perfect huh? It's great on paper. I am missing something! I have this burning desire to do something more and I cannot figure out what it is. I'll come back to this...

In 2018 I turned 40. How? How the fuck did that happen? I swear the last thing I remembered prior to 2/11/18 was my 30th birthday! I was dancing on a bar to "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the furrrrr" bags packed in the trunk to fly to Vegas (which we missed the flight) and I was 30! You're welcome by the way because that song sticks in your brain for hours... Now it is ALMOST 11 years later and I am old. Yea, I said it. Get off my back. WE ARE OLD! "Age ain't nothing but a number" BULLSHIT. Tell that to my tits. The strangest part of that pesky number is? I don't feel it. I know I am but my brain and heart tell me that I am 25. I am still as reckless as ever, a night owl, I will still get up on that bar and dance and I will still get in some sort of trouble. The only difference is now people clutch their pearls that an old broad is acting so disgusting. It's a struggle.

So, in my new decade of life, I said to myself "do something! Do something that finally means something to you! Something that feeds your soul!" Not to say that my job doesn't fire me up but how many times a day can I think to myself " I am a makeup artist, not a magician" ( don't show me another Kim K smokey eye!) One day over coffee, one of my best gals Phyllis told me to "Join Second City. Do some stand-up. Do some writing. Just do something because people just tune into you. It is a gift. Do something with it." I said I would and well, I didn't. I honestly didn't have the time last year. I was very busy! Over the year I tried to do a weekly podcast, more work than I imagined. I tried to do a weekly live show that actually did last a bit from 2016-2018...I don't count that one out just yet because we still pop on here and there. Recently an old girlfriend of mine asked me about my old blog that I had hosted on Chicago Now dot com and why I stopped doing it?  Oddly enough, a few days prior I was talking to another girlfriend of mine about restarting this up. Fast forward to present day 1/11/19...and here we are.

I realize that my dating advice that I gave 10 years ago, probably is now Old Fashion so I will keep that topic light but I just cannot help myself but go there because seriously people, what the hell are yous doing?!?! My mind is in constant overdrive so we shall see what this next leg of the journey holds!

Thanks for coming back to me. Like everyone else in my past, you come back to me! Maybe this will fill the void I have been feeling. Maybe this will fill a void YOU'VE been feeling. Maybe I will be bored after putting this one up and I go back to a lackluster existence and be the old lady that I am. Who knows, but I am hopped up now!

Love you all and always!

Your friend,

Jen